


his stars

by fairyrennies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, also kids dont take habits from renjun, honestly not even sure what to tag this mess, one line ok, only rated for language, plot doesn't exist, renjun really likes stars, there was an attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairyrennies/pseuds/fairyrennies
Summary: the only thing that made renjun feel grounded to this earth was those stupid plastic stars. their green hue looked sickly and, quite frankly, radioactive.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	his stars

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize now for bad writing

"what took you so long in the shower?" donghyuck calls from the couch in their shared living room once he notices renjun in the hallway. his friends begin to chuckle as childish jokes fill the blanks in their minds.

renjun had no patience for this today. he wanted to be gone of every person in the apartment. he wanted to be alone or to just disappear for a while. he could barely hold himself together in the short walk from the bathroom to the security of his bedroom before his roommate stopped him.

"none of your fucking business," renjun bites back. he knew his words wouldn't hurt donghyuck, that was just their dynamic, as hyuck liked to call it. really, it was renjun's emotional defense system. that's what he'd rather call it, at least.

"damn, did you use all the body wash or something?" someone in the room jokes as they heard a door close, signaling renjun was out of earshot.

donghyuck makes a mocking face, playfully pushing the one who asked the question while the rest laughed along. "seriously, leave him alone or i'll punch you."

"you're still awake?" donghyuck was quite surprised to find renjun still up once all the guests had left.

renjun used to have trouble sleeping. they both would stay up all night, renjun from restlessness and donghyuck from hearing his constant fidgeting in the small room they shared. as a solution for this problem, donghyuck stuck a whole box of plastic, glow-in-the-dark stars to the ceiling. renjun thought it was stupid, but he'd been sleeping better ever since, so he never bothered in taking them down.

donghyuck couldn't help but notice renjun was staring at those same stars now, ignoring his, albeit rhetorical, question. he didn't move an inch, his face void of any emotion. 

"can't sleep?" hyuck asks, though it's quite a stupid question.

"something like that."

renjun doesn't even glance at donghyuck as he lays next to him. donghyuck looks for some kind of reaction from renjun, anything, but he comes up with nothing.

after living with the older for so long, donghyuck knows his routine of negative habits. sometimes his act of distancing himself was just a way to ask for some company.

"if you want to talk, i'll be here, okay?" a nod.

"if you don't, that's okay, too." no reaction.

"renjun?" finally, donghyuck gets a hum. at least he's paying attention. "i'll stay as long as you want me to."

no one speaks after that. the only sound in the room is the distant passing of an occasional car on the street outside of the building. donghyuck turns to face the stars on the ceiling as well. before he knows it, the soft glowing of their artificial green color carries him to sleep. the last thing he hears before he dozes off completely is renjun whispering a small 'thank you'.

hours later, renjun was still awake. he couldn't possibly sleep with the demons of hell lingering in his mind, tainting his thoughts.

renjun used to think he was tough and resilient like he could face anything head-on and come out virtually unharmed. these days he was weak. every punch his life threw at him pushed him to the ground, and with each hit, it was harder to recover.

he thought he used to be a person who brought others joy. someone that was pleasant to be around. he couldn't even do that right anymore. he couldn't be the person he wanted himself to be. he was no longer good enough for his friends to stick around. his lack of motivation lead to him failing too many classes. he couldn't be bothered to pick up the broken pieces of his life when he knew it would shatter all over again.

the only thing that made renjun feel grounded to this earth was those stupid plastic stars. their green hue looked sickly and, quite frankly, radioactive. they made renjun feel like a little kid who was afraid of the dark, but maybe that's what he was.

he wouldn't tell donghyuck this, not even on his deathbed, but he liked the stars. they protected renjun from the darkness of himself. when everything in his head became too overwhelming, he would lie down and stare at the ceiling for hours, looking for a pattern or constellations in the haphazardly placed positions. 

but if there was any time to be afraid of the dark, it would be now. the glow of the stars had been fading over the hours, and the time has finally come where they no longer shone. renjun was hoping he'd manage to get to sleep before this happened, but it's just his luck that he hadn't.

everything happens so fast when your life is falling to pieces, renjun thinks. he doesn't think about what he's doing, he only knows he has to. he figures he'll be back soon enough, so he only bothers grabbing his shoes as he quietly leaves the apartment, cracking open the front door just a tad. before his demons could haunt him again, he had to do one thing.

he had to see the stars.

donghyuck doesn't know what time it is when he wakes up, and he doesn't bother checking until he makes his way to the kitchen, half-asleep. he pours himself a glass of water straight from the tap, ignoring the taste and the fact that he might get lead poisoning, and he tries to process the glowing numbers on the microwave clock. somewhere between 3 and 4 am, he believes it says.

however, something doesn't feel quite right as he shuffles back across the hall. he catches the front door from the corner of his eye and notices it was cracked open. he could have sworn he'd closed and locked it earlier. as the uneasy feeling grows in his chest, he peeks his head in the room where he was a few minutes ago and notices an empty spot where renjun should have been.

panic rushes through his veins at this realization. renjun was gone. his phone was still on the nightstand, along with his house keys, and his jacket was still by the door, meaning he'd left without it. donghyuck threw on his jacket along with the nearest pair of shoes he could find and ran.

renjun wasn't the type to run off like this. if he had somewhere to be, he'd leave a note at least. disappearing in the middle of the night was so unlike renjun that it terrified donghyuck. he could be anywhere. he didn't even know how long he'd been gone for. he could be hurt for all donghyuck knew.

who knows, maybe it was irrational to be this worried about his roommate. maybe he looked crazy standing out in the fresh falling december snow, dressed in thin pajamas, tears welling in his eyes.

now wasn't the time to cry, no matter how frustrated and scared he was. nearly every store was closed, and the ones that were open renjun hated going to so late at night. he wouldn't walk around, that would get him paranoid. the only place he would ever go this late… 

suddenly, donghyuck was running.

he was freezing. renjun wasn't always the smartest when he acted on impulse, but he could've at least grabbed a jacket for himself.

he should've gone back home by now, but some part of himself felt he belonged there, outside and alone on a cold bench, staring at the fading stars clouded in the city, surrounded by the snow-covered greenery of the local park he frequented when he needed an escape. he didn't even mind the fresh snow falling around him. it was too pretty for it to bother him.

he almost lost himself in another mindless trance before he heard his name, standing abruptly. he hears it again before he finds donghyuck across the street from him. he can see the younger shaking, and suddenly renjun feels the weight of his recklessness actions.

before he had time to apologize, donghyuck nearly tackles renjun in a bone-crushing hug. the hole in renjun's chest only grew wider listening to donghyuck sniffle, holding back tears.

"i'm so glad you're okay," donghyuck confesses the first second he could, arms still tight around the older.

"i'm sorry," renjun whispers. 

donghyuck unwraps his arms from renjun, instead delicately holding his cheeks in his palms. "don't," he pauses, taking a moment to wipe a stray tear from renjun's eyes. "don't apologize. you're okay, yeah?"

renjun nods silently, and donghyuck pulls him into another tight hug. "let's go home."

donghyuck slides his jacket off and drapes it over renjun's shoulders. neither of them say a word when donghyuck holds renjun's cold hands in his own or through the entire walk back to their apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe i should stop writing angst when i'm in a bad mood? nah.
> 
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